[humor] homophones

irinaicy

Customer: Waiter! What sort of soup is this?
Waiter: It's a bean soup, sir.
Customer: I don't care what it was. I whant to know what it is now.
Customer: Waiter! What's wrong with these eggs?
Waiter: Don't ask me, sir. I only laid the table.
Mechanic: Your battery's flat.
Driver: Oh dear. What shape should it be?
Teacher: You missed the school yesterday, Johnny, didn't you?
Johnny: No, not at all.
Why is Sunday the strongest day?
Beause all others are weak days.
What's the diference between a ball and a prince?
One is thrown in the air, and the other is heir to the throne.
What color would you paint the sun and the wind?
The sun rose and the wind blue.
Why was the doctor angly?
Because he had no patients.
Why did the teacher have to wear sunglasses?
Because his students were so bright.
Why will you never starve in the deert?
Because of the sand which is there.
What did the salad say to the tomato?
Lettuce get married.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke.
What did one lift say to the other lift?
I think I'm going down with something.
What did the south wind say to the north wind?
Let's play draughts.
Why did the man take his pencil to bed?
He wanted to draw the curtains.
What's the best birthday present?
A drum takes a lot of beating.
Why can't a steam engine sit down?
Because it's got a tender behind.
What's pale and trembles at the bottom of the sea?
A nervous wreck.
How do you keep cool at a football match?
Sit next to a fan.
Why do Swiss cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Customer: Witer, waiter! I'm in a hurry. Will my pancake be long?
Waiter: No, sir, It'll be round.
Mother: You spend too much money.
Money doesn't grow on trees, you know.
Daughter: Well, why do banks have so many branches, then?
What's the difference beween a sailor and someone who goes shopping?
One goes to sail the seas, the other goes to see the sails.
What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells.
What did the sea say to the beach?
Nothing. It just waved.
What sort of crisps can fly?
Plain crisps.
A prisoner is locked in a cell with only a chair. How does he escape?
He rubs his hands until they are sore, he uses the saw to cut the chair in half. Two halves make a whole. He climbs through the hole and shouts hoarse. Then he gets on the horse and gallops away

mazhor_12rus

классно
только какого чёрта в учёбе?

irinaicy

Э... ну не знаю...для меня это в данный момент study.
Если это неподходит по духу разделу форума - пусть модератор перенесет.
Рад, что понравилось.
Предлагаю еще добавлять, если у кого есть

irinaicy

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